my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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