party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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