my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
