my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
