I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
