hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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