My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
