Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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