What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
