im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
