4 words: hood of his car
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The air was thick with penises
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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