Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
