You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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