How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
