Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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