Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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