We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
