mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Buhtt sex?
it's like iHOP with fire
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
