Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize