I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
