Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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