i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
where are my eyebrows?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
