how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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