"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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