You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She is in my trunk
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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