I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
