UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
