He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
