Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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