How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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