GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
