my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
