I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
