my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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