When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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