Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
