You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
bring money and cleavage
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
