Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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