Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
