Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
