I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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