Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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