You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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