I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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