Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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