Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
