im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
