New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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