I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
