So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
