just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
