hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
