Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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