i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
