Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
