There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
