Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm getting married
To pizza
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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