i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
