i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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