I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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