Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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