Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
