Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We are two peas in an std pod
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
