He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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