I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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