Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
