I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
