census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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